


Let's Get Lost

by Pooks79



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pooks79/pseuds/Pooks79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot inspired by the song “Let’s Get Lost” by Beck and the Bat for Lashes. It has a hint of New Moon with my own little twist to the storyline and how I think things should have been from the very beginning between Jake and Bella. I also have to give a shout out to my girl Nikita that drew another awesome photo which helped inspire. You can find it at http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=nikitajuice#/d3j8ap0.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Get Lost

You lied cold and restless beside me, the smell of your pain vaporizing into the air like water off a hot pavement. I got lost in it; inwardly wishing I could ease its intensity and show you that his loss was no more important than the loss of your first baby doll. He didn’t love you or appreciate you for the person you are. How could you proclaim your love for someone and then leave them helpless and alone in a world filled with vicious monsters?

I leaned in and pulled your quaking body into my chest. I felt your instant resistance but just like a moth to a flame your heart felt safe and allowed your body to melt into mine. I was lost in your beauty, warmth, pain and the rapid beating of your broken heart. I could sit here for a lifetime and never get tired of hearing you breathe even if it was his name that sobbed from your lips.

“I love you” I whisper, my voice so low and deep it leaves you unfazed by my hearts reveals. 

I’m disheartened my words aren’t enough to ease your suffering but I know with time you will grow to love me with the same intensity you loved him. I was the right choice, the only choice for you. I would be your sun, moon or anything you needed me to be as long as I could remain at your side. I would love you like no other and after the pain of his dismissal left you and the cloud of sadness was lifted, you would see just how powerful my feeling are and will always be for you.

“Please don’t leave me” you whisper, your quivering lip tapping against the heated skin of my chest causing my body to quake in a mixture of hate and sympathy. I hate that he has made you like this and sympathize because I know if you were to ever leave me I would be no better off than you are right now. I try to remain strong and get lost in my fantasies of you.

I wish you could see yourself as I do. I wish you could get lost in the many memories I’ve formed in order to maintain my sanity throughout your disastrous relationship with him. If you had just looked a little deeper and saw me as more than a friend you wouldn’t be so broken, so disconnected from the world that loves you. 

In my world there’s just you, me and the countless ways I will keep you happy. You would never know pain, hurt, rejection and fear because with me you are always loved.

I fought my hearts intent knowing now wasn’t the time to release all the feelings I had suppressed just to keep you. I denied what I felt, who I truly was and what you meant to me just to keep you close. I knew one day he would hurt you. It was inevitable that someone like him would be the ultimate demise of your heart because you can’t love someone who doesn’t have a soul to begin with. He doesn’t know pain, sorrow or loss other than the loss of his humanity. He doesn’t know what it feels like to love beyond human comprehension because he isn’t human. 

The thought of him angers me, my hands fists at your sides, my rage towards him becoming all-consuming as I try to comfort you from the pain of his departure. Your heated sobs grace my skin once again and like ice to an open flame your words chill me to the bone. 

“Wasn’t I enough? Why…”you plead as if your mind is trying to rationalize the action so irrational in and of its self.

I push against you forcing you onto your back; your body clings to me unable to release the heat and comfort I provide not even for a moment. I love that you feel so safe with me and yet I despise the fact that you feel it. 

My love for you is maddening and makes me feel like I’m a prisoner of my own infatuation. I love someone who can never love me. I put my hand to the flame only to get burned by rejection and yet here I lay beside the only woman I’ve ever loved, continuously hoping it’s my name that will finally grace those reddish lips. 

I allow you to stay close knowing my warmth; my love for you will be the only thing to bring you comfort and peace. I allow my heart to break, my soul to perish in a sea of sadness as the reality of my love for you will continue to go unclaimed. I realize in this moment although you hurt and my presence brings you solace it will never be me who will warm your chilled heart. 

This painful realization causes my body to tremble, the wolf inside pleading to be free, clawing his way from deep within knowing that freedom from this prison I call my love for you will be the only peace from my infatuation with a reality that will never come to pass.

I fight him; deny him his inner most desires because although my heart bleeds as you silently whisper his name into my chest, I know he is gone and never coming back. I know now is my chance to show you what true love is and what sacrifices need to be made to prove such love existence and that you are worthy of it.

I lean down and press my lips to your dampened hair, your body quivers within my arms but after a moment settles into the warmth only I can provide. I find peace when I hear your sobs turn silent and your chest softly hum as you fall asleep to the beating of my heart. 

“You’re never alone Bells. I will always be here waiting for you” I whisper into your soft brown locks.

I know my affections go unnoticed but yet I feel the need to reveal such intimacy while I still have the chance. I know Charlie will be home soon and being here with you, like this would be unacceptable to any father, friend or not. 

I remind myself there is always tomorrow and slowly pry your hands from my chest and replace my body with your pillow. You resist slightly but then find comfort in the soft fluffiness of its feathered texture. 

I stand beside the bed once again lost to your beauty and frailty. I hope I can be the man I promise and I hope that you will learn to accept me as the man I want to be for you and only you. 

You can deny what your mind believes to be true but when your soul craves for nourishment, you can’t deny the other piece of your heart even if it meant their happiness and your sadness. I knew the moment I saw you curled up, desperate for a reason, longing for a purpose, starving for reciprocation that you were in fact the person I had waited a lifetime for. I might hate the monster that grows inside of me but there is no denying the imprint he has left on my soul with your name on it. I live, breathe, ache and yearn to be with you and even if you deny my heart, your soul never could deny its mate.

The shuffling of Charlie’s keys alerted me and although I would love nothing more than to stay and just watch you sleep, I knew my time was up. I dash out the window, my feet slamming against the ground as the weight of my muscular body fights with gravity to keep me steady. I turn over my shoulder taking in one last glance before my skin is shed and the wolf takes over. My heart stings as I take my run to the woods and out of sight.

Within moments, my skin is replaced by rustic brown fur and my muscles are being pressed to the limit as I move effortlessly through the forest. The cool damp ground coupled with the wind as it thrashes against my thick fur heals me and provides the only sense of peace I know I could never find in human form.

I ran aimlessly through the dense forest having no destination, no purpose and no cause to stay in my protector form yet I found such comfort in it. I felt free from the shackles that bind me to my human existence and free to experience all the dark emotions I had held back all these years.

I reached the end of the forest and rested my body at the edge of the rocky cliffs. My eyes closed as my body settled into the chilled stone beneath me, my heart aching and my soul crying for me to return to you and make you whole. My mind got lost in a sea of memories as the gentle crashes of the sea water below relaxed my exhausted body.

Our childhood was filled with playful moments of happiness and a never ending feeling of love and devotion. We spent every summer together dancing amongst the waves and playing hide and seek amongst the tall timbers of the forest terrain. We loved and hated each other than however, no matter how many cuts and bruises we received from our childish undertakings, we always knew there was nothing but love shared between us.

As we grew into our adolescence, our heritage segregated us from one another during the school year. I had to attend school on the reservation while you went to the local high school. However, no matter what challenges life threw at us, we always found time for one another. We talked for hours each night and hung out almost every weekend. You and I had become inseparable. 

However as happy as we were, we both knew all good things had to come to an end somehow. We spent endless nights the summer of our junior year worrying if our friendship would outlast college. I knew you wanted to go away and I knew I never could. I had responsibilities and ties to my people that couldn’t go neglected even if it meant getting an education.

We decided not to dwell and that no matter what, we wouldn’t let anything stand in our way. However, something did come between us and it had nothing to do with school, destiny or our love for one another. When Edward arrived, Jake and Bella were no more. I hardly heard from you and you decided it would be better we didn’t meet on the weekends since Edward wasn’t fond of you having a “male” friend.

My resentment and anger started that day and continued to escalate every moment after. I wondered if somehow he saw into my thoughts, heard what my heart longed for and wasn’t man enough to admit he was afraid I would take his place in your heart. Nevertheless, I bit my tongue and held back all the feelings I had for you because I loved you too much to lose you over something so petty. 

We continued to speak on and off during senior year but our connection was never the same. You were often too busy or too tired to meet let alone talk and the more you denied me, the more I started to lose a piece of myself each time. 

I decided after two weeks of not hearing from you I was going to confront you and demand an explanation. I couldn’t understand how you could just disregard our friendship over someone who was more infatuated with you than in love with you. He didn’t know you like I did. He didn’t kiss your cuts, hold you during a nightmare or know what made you blush. He didn’t deserve you like I did and I thought it was time you cast his shadow aside and reside in the light of my love for you.

The night I decided to make a stand was the night my life changed. It was a wicked storm and although my father protested, I didn’t listen. I ran to your house in the pouring rain determined to win back your affection. When I arrived, I noticed all the lights were off but yours and so I thought nothing of just climbing the tree and jumping inside your window.   
When I reached the top branch my entrance was halted as the sight before my eyes caused my heart to stop beating. He was there. He was holding you like I used to when you got scared of the storm. He was the one stroking your beautiful brown hair and whispering all the comfort you needed to settle your fears. 

My arms quaked as my body fought to keep me steady. The anger and hurt radiated off my skin, the raindrops turning into heated puffs of mist as they bounced off my skin and evaporated into the pouring rain. I felt a rage, a hatred I had never felt before and the more I watched him take my place, the more infuriated I became.

I jumped from the tree, the pain and rage puffing out of my nostrils like a bull ready to charge. My body was pulsating, vibrating with a hate I could no longer control. I took to the trees and before I knew it, my body had contorted and I was on all fours, gnawing and howling in defiance of what had come to pass. I never wanted to accept he was anything but a passing phase and now, seeing your love for him as he placed his lips on yours, it was enough to drive me mad.

I sprung from this wicked nightmare disorientated and still heated. It took me some time to move past the anger and realize it was nothing more than a recant of a time that has now since past. I shook the rage off like a wet dog ringing his body out after a bath. The feeling released just as easily as it infused as I reminded myself he was gone and you were mine now.

I made it back to my house in no time and decided to give you a few days to fully grasp what had happened and mourn the loss of your so called beloved.   
I wasn’t totally vacant from your life. I appeared in the shadows outside your window many nights and suffered the painful reality alongside you. I watched as your slept, woke up with horrid pain and restlessness and found no comfort in the arms of your father. 

I was tempted to rush in and save you from your torment but the few times I tried, your father was quick to dismiss me stating you didn’t want anyone to visit. It was only after a few weeks when I could take the pain no longer that I decided if you were going to be lost to the world of the living I too would be lost with you. My life disintegrated into nothing without you. I lived and breathed your pain as if it was I who had lost my true love and I thought if we could be together at least your heart would be at peace.

It would seem God felt our pain as every day since I left you it continuously rained. It turned out to be the worst rain Washington had seen in months but nothing, not even the threat of being struck by lightning would deter me from giving you all you needed to move on. I was sure your heart would know its true place and you would finally find that missing piece of your heart within the warm embrace I could provide.

The rain came down like hell’s fury, the wind swirling around me as I pressed my body to the limit to reach you. I didn’t think about the pain, the cold or anything but getting to you. When I arrived at your window I phased and it was in that moment I realized I’d forgotten cloths. 

I didn’t let my nakedness deter me because as it was nothing seemed to faze you. You sat in your chair day after day looking out onto the world as if you wished you were freed from it. Your body was still, your eyes vacant and your heart barely beating except to keep your body alive. I wanted to take that pain away. I wanted you to see past the blinders of Edward Cullen and walk into the light that has always been yours for the claiming. I would bring you back if only to save you from this pain that was undeserving. 

I climbed the tree and stood at your window, the rain pouring over my headed skin and evaporating into mist due to my high temperature. I leaned against the glass, my hand pressing firmly against its wet texture begging for you to let me in. I watched as your body lied curled in the fetal position on the bed, your bones rattling as you shivered from a combination of grief and cold. 

I hoped you would feel me, know I was there to help you even if you never asked for it. I was selfish in my desire to claim your heat but tonight I was going to be unselfish and comfort you even if it meant destroying my heart. 

I slid my hands down the window and tugged on the end. Thankfully you always left your window open and it pulled upward with ease. My entrance did alert you but not enough for you to move out of your coma like state.

“Please just let me go” I hear you whisper and although I was bond by the imprint to obey, tonight I would fight because I know you needed me more than you were willing to commit.

“I promised you I would never leave. I never go back on my word” I replied as I moved closer to the bed.

“Please Jake…I just…need to do this alone” 

“No.” I reply firmly as I lay beside you pulling the sheets over my naked body as I reach over and tug at your waist. You deny me my request so I make my demands yet again tugging just a little bit harder. You have no strength to fight me so your body willfully rolls onto its back forcing you to stare into my eyes.

The pain, guilt and suffering that stares back at me feels like a knife slowly piercing my skin and inching towards my heart. You don’t deserve such agony and my body craves to make you feel something other than pain. My hand comes up from my side, my fingers slowly passing down you cheeks trying to free your skin from the constant saturation of tears that flow like an endless river down your face. 

“You deserve better”

I feel your body jolt and for a second I doubt that my presence will bring you any comfort but then I see it. I see your pleas for release from this torment just by the way your eyes close and your face leans into my hand. I lean down to meet your cradled face and whisper “I know you’re lost. I know you don’t see a world without him but just for tonight…get lost in me. Let me show you a way out of this pain, please…Bella, get lost with me”

I felt you whimper into my hand, the power of my pleas pinching at your heart, your mind contemplating whether to give in or to fight evident by the scrunch of your eyes and the quivering of your lips as you fight to respond. I knew it wasn’t right to take advantage of your weakened state but this was the only way to show you that your life was worth living and that you had someone who was willing to show you the love you deserved and who would never leave you helpless.

I leaned in and pressed my lips to yours, your body slowly relaxing into my touch as your mind found release in the heat of my love for you. My heart was beating erratically and my mind was lost to desire when you didn’t fight my advances. It felt like your heart had finally won its battle with your mind and you would deliver onto me what I sought for most. 

Our kiss was slow and passionate; your eyes still spilling tears onto my face while I gave you everything I had to give to heal your aching heart. My hands scooped around your waist as I hovered over you, nurturing and healing your pain with each stroke of my lips. 

I pulled back and trailed my lips over your cheek and whispered “Let it go Bella…let me heal you” but your trembling only seemed to increase as the tears continued to shed from your eyes. I knew in that moment I was being selfish, no better than he was for taking advantage of you for my own selfish desires. 

I pulled away, my fists forming at your sides, the anger brewing inside of me like a pot under an intense flame. I hated to think I was like him. I wanted to believe I was the best choice, the only choice and here I was giving into my desire to fill you with love when what you needed was just the comfort of someone who cared. 

The beast started to beckon for release, his demands clear as my body began to tremble and my temperature began to rise. I moved myself off the bed and before I could make it to the window, I felt your arms encase me from behind. Your gentle touch calmed me for a moment and brought me out of my rage induced fixation and back to why I had come here in the first place. Your words were so soft that if not for my keen hearing they would have been lost to the storm that brewed right outside your door. “Please don’t leave. I need you.”

These words so simple in their basic form held more value than those three precious words you gave without regard to him just a few days earlier. I turned and embraced you. I rubbed my hands along the small of your back, allowing you to crumble into me and feed off of my passion and desire for you.

You whimper into my chest, your tears burning my skin as they fall from your eyes and leak down my torso. I lean down and scoop you into my arms like the night I found you, your head resting softly against my chest, your breathing simmering as you listen to the sound of my heart beat its rhythm only for you. 

I walk us back over to the bed and hold you in my arms until your body finally settles into my embrace and I can see those beautiful brown eyes without the glisten of a single tear.  
I brush the linger hairs that shield you from me and for the first time I saw nothing. It was as if I were looking at a clean slate, the pain, hurt and remorse gone from your eyes and a look of appreciation staring back at me. 

“Do you still want me to stay?” I question not sure if I’m more harm than help by keeping you at such a close proximity to me.

Your eyes search within mine as your hand rises and your palm caresses my face. I’m taken back by your show of affection and try not to read into your mannerism like my heart begs me too. I loved you too much to take advantage and although my soul screamed to be claimed by you, I wasn’t going to force it. I wanted you to want me because you felt the pull, you felt your heart imprint on my soul and you were ready to get lost in my world of passion and love for you.

You leaned up from my arm, your lips inches from mine and whispered “Let’s get lost”. My eyes searched yours to find validity within your words. I couldn’t fathom that you were ready to take this step with me when all your actions spoke otherwise. I need reassurance. I needed to know this was more than just a comfort lay and that if we did this, if you and 

I shared this once in a lifetime moment, you were in fact mine.

“Do you know what you ask Bella? If we do this…there’s”

But before I could finish your lips were on mine in a heated fury, demanding I give into your need to have my heart. My body posed no opposition and my heart fell in suit with its release. 

Our bodies moved in unison throughout the night. I gave you every part of me and you returned my love with a passion only amplified by your whisper of the three words I had longed to hear since childhood. I had never felt so connected to someone as I did now and that only validates the belief that the heart wants what the heart wants.

We were two souls lost in our own delusional worlds. You were under the belief you had found the love of your life while I felt the same. It was only when our souls got lost in a sea of love for one another that we truly found our way towards our destiny. Tonight mark a new turn in our relationship and although I wasn’t sure what life had in store for us, I was just happy that what I thought was lost was found and it was found within you.


End file.
